Improve your Social Skills

Social skills are crucial for all human interactions. Whether you are a scientist trying to raise money for your research or just a regular guy who wants to meet interesting women, social skills are the key to getting what you want.

What do I mean by social skills?

This is my personal definition:

“Great social skills are the ability to make people feel good in your presence.”

So how do you do that? Here are my 12 best tips.

If someone is fishing for compliments – take the bait.

When someone is fishing for compliments they don’t want to hear the truth. They just want validation. It’s not about the words. It’s about making a friend feel good.

This is how you do it:

Friend: “I got 400 Likes on my new profile picture.”
You: “That’s sick! I’ve seen it, you look amazing in it.”

Another example:

Friend: “I am so tired from all that working out.”
You: “But it pays off. I wish I had abs like you have.”

I know, you feel the urge to respond “I am sick and tired of you talking about your damn workout. Now shut the f*ck up!” But remember, it’s not about being right. It is only about lifting a friend up. The favor will surely be returned one day. It’s a virtuous circle.

Deliberate over-apologizing

You are late to a dinner with an old friend. “I am so sorry! It’s so rare that we meet and I waste our precious time by letting you wait for me.”

Can you see how this technique works? By apologizing more than is usually necessary, you instantly take away any hard feelings the other person might have. It’s not easy to do if you have a big ego however.

Heartfelt compliments

I am sure you have people in your life that you are grateful for. Like close friends, family or coworkers. Tell these people from time to time how much you appreciate them. It’s such a little thing but makes the biggest impact imaginable!

You can’t imagine how good it feels to hear “Hey Julian, you are an amazing person” from a valued friend.

Some people can only say it when they are drunk. I think that’s fine as well, as long as you say it.



Everyone thinks they know how to listen. Unfortunately, every day I meet people who seem to think about singing birds during a conversation. I am not saying you belong to them, but I’ll give you a little update nonetheless – just in case.

This is how you become a person people refer to as “a great listener”:

    1. Stop thinking about what to say next while someone is talking to you.
    2. Look at the person talking to you.

You wouldn’t believe how many people sit there and look around or do something on their smartphones during a conversation.

    1. Stop making these little annoying sounds many people make to show they listen. “mhm” “aha” “ok”, even “yes”.

It feels like you are faking interest.

    1. If you didn’t get something, interrupt politely, repeat what you heard, and ask if you understood correctly.

“Did I understand you correctly when you said…?”

    1. Ask questions that relate to what is being said.

This truly shows interest and makes the conversation much more interesting for everyone involved. The talker is stoked because you just showed them you are interested and you also profit because now the conversation goes into a direction that you find interesting. After all you wanted to know more about it.

Talking about the other person

What is your favorite conversational topic? I bet it’s yourself.

For some reason humans just love talking about themselves. Therefore, reserve some time to talk about the other person in each conversation you have.

After a while many people will start feeling guilty because they are only talking about themselves. This is when you should give them permission to continue.

E.g: “This is fascinating. Please tell me more about it.”

Why is talking about the other person so important?

  • It builds intimacy.
  • It helps you get to know each other better.
  • It makes you more likeable.
  • In return, the other person will be much nicer and cooperative towards you.

Tip: When you are starting to talk about the other person, avoid questions that are hard to answer like “What’s going on in your life?” or “How are you doing?”. It feels much more effortless to the other person if you ask about specific things.

E.g: “I am curious. What happened with this girl you met on Sunday?”

Looking at everyone while talking

Situation: You are talking to a group of people. If you don’t want to alienate anyone from that group make sure you distribute your eye contact evenly. When someone seems to lose interest focus on that person or even ask them a question. It will bring the attention back instantly.

Make everyone feel like they are a part of the conversation and their attention will be yours.

Being open about your feelings

Acquaintance: “How are you?”
You: “To be honest, I feel like shit.”…

Being straightforward is rare and therefore interesting. Too many people hide their feelings behind routine sentences like “I’m fine, thanks. How are you?”

People who say what they feel are refreshingly different. So surmount yourself to saying what you feel and experience an instant boost in interest from others.


Make the other person an expert

This grabs people directly by their ego and is therefore extremely effective.

“Do you know why I always get this error message?”
“You know a lot about social marketing do you?”
“How can I shoot more accurately?”
“Is it true that mercury evaporates at room temperature?”
“Could you explain to me how layers work in Photoshop?”

These questions are not only positioning the other person as an expert, they are stroking the other person’s ego so much that you can learn a lot of stuff from them.

The other day a friend of mine started a conversation like this:

He: “Julian you are quite a Photoshop expert, aren’t you?”
I (happy on the inside): “Well, I know a thing or two.”
He: “I want to create this course map for a disc golf tournament. May I call you this week if I have a question?”
I: “Sure! I could also come over if you want and show you everything.”

It’s as easy as that, it’s a win-win, and it works 100% of the time.

Noticing something positive about the other person

Paying attention to little things is extremely important – especially with women. If you notice a positive change point it out. Don’t remain silent!

“Have you dyed your hair? The new color suits you really well.”
“Do you work out? You look really strong.”
“Wow, you are glowing with joy.”
– after a positive event like a wedding or graduation.

Word of caution: Stay away from lines like “Oh my god you have lost so much weight!” Yes, you had good intentions but you can’t win that battle. Just stay away from everything that involves weight, and the loss thereof.

Accepting compliments

It sounds stupid, but accepting compliments is challenging for many people. Especially for people with low self esteem. I know the feeling well, it was also hard for me for most of my life.

This is how people who can’t accept compliments react:

“Nah, you are just bullshitting with me.”
“Look at you, you look ten times better than me.”
“Are you kidding? I think that’s the worst thing about me.”
“It wasn’t me. It was all thanks to you.”

A better way to react:

“Thanks! Hearing that feels really good.”
“Thank you so much! So few people notice.”
“Thanks, I worked so hard for it and finally someone notices.”
“Thank you! What an amazing experience.”


Notice the signals others give you

Believe it or not, people give you cues while you are talking. I’ll translate some for you:

  • “Mh”, “aha”, “ok” + seeming absent minded = You are boring as fuck.
  • Not asking any questions = Next topic please!
  • Looking at the clock several times = Please Scotty beam me out of here!
  • Looking around the room = All of the above.
  • Staring into your eyes and listening closely = You are fascinating! Tell me more!
  • Looking at your lips and not listening to your words (at a date) = Please undress me!

There are countless signals. The list above covers just a few. The point I am trying to make is; Pay attention to the signals people give you!

Behavior you should avoid if you want to have good social skills

We have talked a lot about what you should do. But equally or maybe even more important is what you should not do.

Here is a quick list:

Chitchatting, gossiping, badmouthing

Those are bad habits which are hard to unlearn. So don’t start them in the first place.

Richard Branson’s mother had him stand in front of the mirror every time he talked negatively about someone.


Excessive negativity

No one likes to hang out with someone who drags them down.

Talking endlessly about yourself

While being able to talk about yourself is important, it’s equally important not to overdo it.
My rule of thumb: If you think you might be talking about yourself for too long, you almost definitely do.

Twisting everything in a way so you can talk about something that’s only interesting to you.

E.g: “The same thing happened to my cousin last year. He had this huge…”


It’s fine if you do it because you didn’t get something. Otherwise it’s rude.

Talking about people others don’t know

Everyone knows someone who always seems to talk about their uncle Tony who has trouble with his third teeth. The only problem is, no one but your family knows Tony! Please do everyone a favor and discuss matters that are only interesting to you in the comfort of your home.

Talking about topics that alienate others

E.g: When in a mixed group the guys are only talking about sports.

Using others as your emotional garbage bag

It’s perfectly fine to share your problems with a trusted friend. However, when your friend expects the same of you, you should be ready to listen as patiently as he or she did. Otherwise you are using your friend. Not cool!

And they Changed..!!


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There was a time when everything seem to be as right as a fairy tale, where an angel comes to rescue you from your worst showing you that ray of light that way of hope.

At that time the angel just belonged to you, taking care of all your needs and sadness and suddenly that angel realized that they had come closer not because you needed them but because they needed you to check whether their magic really works

Once upon a time, there were inseparable friends Radhika and Ramesh, they used to take care of each other and look for wellness of each other. But Radhika used to take more care of Ramesh. Ramesh was more intellectual kind, he helped Radhika in the beginning, Radhika was a fast learner, learnt everything very fast and now Radhika believed whatever they knew it was because of Ramesh. But Ramesh didn’t pay much heed to Radhika’s needs. he was more obsessed with other problems in their life and had one undiminished EGO of being the best. Radhika tried caring more and more but Ramesh never cared. Then Radhika found another person who was equally talented as Ramesh and as a matter of fact. Radhika started growing close to Suresh. Now Radhika and Suresh were close to each other. Ramesh hated suresh desperately and didnt wanted radhika to listen to suresh in any way possible. Ramesh started distancing even further and stopped helping radhika all together. She had nowhere to go. Suresh was only taking care of her more than anybody. But Ramesh’s jealousy grew out of bound and he started undermining Radhika everywhere whereas Suresh used to boost the morale of Radhika.

Ramesh also started looking for option and found one alternative in the form of Mohita to share everything. Now Radhika was deeply offended, She got another person say Kamesh in her life. This person kamesh was the closest radhika can ever get to.. Ramesh didnt knew about kamesh but after some time ramesh started realizing mistake. kamesh and radhika were together for sometime and kamesh had developed some fondness for radhika. Now ramesh started coming back, he tried all measures to win back radhika. All sorts of emotional drama. Finally he was succesful in distancing radhika from everybody. Kamesh and suresh no longer enticed radhika. They were now reduced to just occasional friends

Radhika distanced herself from kamesh and suresh to keep ramesh happy and started blaming them that they dont have time for anymore and ramesh is a very good guy who has all the time in the world for her.  And slowly Kamesh & Suresh started moving out completely out of Radhika’s’s life

And now is the time that Radhika is no longer with any of them but with ramesh. both of them  feel very awkward, they feel used..!!

Radhika used them totally. She told them that she needed them to get over ramesh. And she will never return to him. But instead she abandoned them for no reasons.

d3065ce77a99c9ed6153a2066abf068d.1000x750x1Moral of the story is the Love or relationship which are born out of hatred of any other person don’t last longer. Because the person always wants to go back to the original person and you cant stop them from doing the same

So all the guys and gals who are looking to get the gal or boy of their choice by breaking the existing relationship should think that whatever they are getting is very temporary and it wont be theirs forever as it wasn’t of somebody else.

Trust is something which broken once is difficult to be mend. Now Radhika might be happy or not Suresh & kamesh dont care. They feel used. Suresh is engaged with some other perspective. And kamesh is still wondering why this happened to him..!!

Dont ruin anybody’s life JUST to make anybody jealous of your happiness and earn them back..!!

Taken for granted


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Some people say ” Best friends Forever ” and  I love you forever, the moment they say it they are lying to you on your face.. BEWARE..!!

Forever is a term which generally ruins almost every relationship, because people commit what they really can’t deliver and you also fall in trap seeing the commitment and dedication shown by the other person. It is same like mobile phone companies offering the UNLIMITED VALIDITY* with the * mark.
*till  July 2020.

When a mobile company cannot give guarantee for  a materialistic thing for more than 5 years, then how do you think a person can give guarantee of being the same forever, loving in the same manner forever.

The problem is not with saying that statement without meaning it, problem goes much beyond that. The problem is the moment you say that you are going to be there forever for somebody time and again, they start taking you granted. They think for this guy/gal is here to stay let me finish other prior works first.

What all things happen when you are put into FRIENDS FOREVER | LOVER FOREVER | TAKEN FOR GRANTED ZONE

  1. Phone calls: There was a time when your call was of utmost importance and they will do anything to just talk to you for few seconds. But after TAKEN for GRANTED,  you will be told, I have been too busy lately, so many works to do, my boss has given me a lot of work I cannot do, I have umpteen number of things to do, you mean a lot to me. I HOPE YOU WILL UNDERSTAND.
    This phrase I hope you will understand is very critical, You cant say NO as it is going to ruin whatever relation you have, and you dont want to say YES as your innerself knows that you are being put into TAKEN for GRANTED zone
  2. Meeting in person: Actually I wanted to meet you, I have been waiting very desperately, but what to say the time and circumstances are not favoring, pressure is piling up from all sides, Avalanche is happening. I dont know which side to contain first, i know you will be always there so I thought I need not worry about you, you are such an understanding person. So what that we are not able to meet, So what that we are not there. Our relationship goes beyond phone calls, messages and meeting in person. I am trying my level best to find some time to meet you. These and all will start happening if you are being TAKEN FOR GRANTED.  If not, if you are not in the taken for granted zone, they will not say anything about their problems rather than that they will schedule calendar, find the slightest time available to spend with you in whatever location, May it be lunch break during the office or even ask you to walk with them after office, or even ask you to accompany to travel back with you in bus or train. So its not about time, its about you landing up in a zone called taken for granted zone
  3. Discussing NON SENSE: While they got an opportunity to find some time to call you or meet you, they will not talk about you two, they will talk about some third person who has suddenly entered their life, the lost friend or some interesting events which are happening in the family. More than your well being, it is important for them to ask and tell about what their neighbor or their colleague has done to them. because they know you are there thus you will be alright only, who cares.. So when the conversation between two individuals are not about themselves but one person keeps on talking about somebody else then you have been surely moved into that zone called TAKEN FOR GRANTED. There was a time when you loved discussing likes, dislikes, opinions, circumstances and many more things which are relevant to you two, the next vacation, the next holiday, the next weekend. But now suddenly you have been put into a zone called taken for granted
  4. Text Messages: There was a time when Good morning, Good evening, Good night were the customary messages. Asking did u had Breakfast, lunch and dinner used to a pattern. But slowly over the period of time reply for Hi, How are you also takes a long time to reply. There was a time when there used to be an instantaneous reply to the messages either as text message or whatsapp message. Now there will be times you will be talking to the same person in a whatsapp group but they wont bother to reply to your personal message. Being busy and not able to respond is one thing and not talking or replying as it is no longer interesting or you have been taken for granted is another thing. Taken for granted is something which you wont feel but over the period of time realize that it has happened


What happens if you confront the person that he/ She has started taken you for granted?

  • They might not agree to you and tell you that you are thinking too much and you should not do the same, they are the same. it is just that you are thinking beyond what you should do
  • They might apologise and say this will not happen again but repeat it again because it has become a habit, it is no longer something which they can relearn. They need to unlearn and learn, which is a daunting task
  • They might pick up a fight back, asking why you have become so irritating suddenly that you are confronting them. And generally at this point of time, if both the partners become impatient and dont listen properly it might lead to a bad break in the relationship
  • They might start saying that, have you found somebody else and you want to leave me, get rid off me as m no longer important in your life, But the actual reality is while taking you for granted they left you long back and the relationship was holding because the other person wanted to give ample amount of time before making a move


Solutions to these cases are very simple, but generally they are not taken and relationship goes for a toss

  • Time: The person who is being taken for granted should leave the person as it is whatever the other person want to do, dont trouble them anyhow. Let them do whatever they want to do. Over the period of time if they realize on their own that is the best way to solve this problem as one person cannot change the habit unless they commit or convict themselves to make this work between you and that cannot happen without realization
  • Talk it out: Although this is a good solution but it is a temporary one, you might feel good temporarily but if the person keeps on taking you for granted for a long period of time, you might feel frustrated and eventually leave. Thus this doesn’t form that concrete solution

To find absolute solution for any philosophical and relationship problem is always not possible. The only way out is give time and observe rather than take hasty decision.

After all taken for granted is a perspective problem, while you are feeling that you are being taken for granted, other person might also feel the same from your side..!! It depends which side of wall you are standing..!!

But reality is Nothing lasts forever till you really want it to..!!

A moment of Realization


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When I used to stay in my home, i experienced something which made me realize how much do we underrate the things we acquire easily.This was how it ensued-

It was an overcast evening, I was returning  home on my cycle, as I reached my area’s playground, a kid came running to me. It took me a minute to recall who the kid was, but shortly it occurred to me that he was ‘Mohit’,  my younger cousin’s friend who lives not much away from my house.

The kid was glad to see me, he asked me if I could offer him a lift to his place to which I agreed happily as his house was on the way to my home.

The kid joyfully sat behind me on my cycle and started talking, he asked me very innocently “Bhaiyya, Why do you have chubby cheeks?” It made me grin because I thought the kid was just teasing me so I sarcastically questioned him back “Why don’t you have chubby cheeks?” I was prepared to receive another teaser from him, but to my own surprise he answered “Because I don’t have a mother to take care of me and feed me in a loving and caring way that would make my cheeks chubby.” I was taken aback by the answer. Before I could comfort him, we reached his place, He got down my vehicle and gave me a smile which I can’t ever forget in my lifetime, the smile wanted nothing but care. I  recollected myself and reached my place.

Then I was sitting on my couch and was contemplative and I suddenly recalled, there was a suicide not much away from my place, committed by a lady who was continuously  harassed by her husband and that lady was none other than Yash’s mom. I gasped in shock. I felt really pity for the kid but the next moment I recalled, How lucky I am to have such great parents by my side. How much have I underrated the biggest blessing I’ve received from God, I rushed to my mom’s room and gave her a tight hug and started crying like a baby, she asked me if I was okay and I told her the entire story. She too got very emotional and hugged me again.

That day is still fresh in my memory, I feel pity for the kid, but at the same time I’m also very thankful to him because though unknowingly he taught me to be grateful for the things I have in my life and not whine about those which I’m deprived of.

Wouldn’t It have been Great..!!


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The mother was too exhausted after returning from her duty (She had to take care of the dog of a rich man(Saheb) through out the day). Still she started preparing bread (roti) for her children with the  left over wheat in her kitchen. while serving dinner to her children everyone got only a loaf of bread. Her youngest son asked her “Mother how many bread did you prepare for the dog of the Saheb today.”. His mother replied “8 ,4 for lunch and 4 for dinner, but why are you asking this to me “.  Then her son replied “wouldn’t it have been great if I was a dog in the Saheb’s house”.


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