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Today, I am very disappointed with myself. Somehow I feel I am not fit for IIT as well as for Ph.D. I guess this is the reason why I didn’t get here after my 12th class because I am not made for it.

Today I appeared in my comprehensive exam, which also had DC meeting prior to it. I just don’t understand one point, What joy a professor gets when he embarrasses a student for not knowing something.

Will he get a Nobel Prize for that? Is the student that much shitworthy.

Indeed second statement is true. A student when he doesn’t know wave equations, eigen vector, partial differential equations then how he can be capable of doing Ph.D . He is not spun out for it. Despite the fact he has done whatever is required to clear the coursework required in IIT. Because he is not good in maths. So how he can be a good engineer. If he can’t derive a transform how he can do good research. Yeaah he has found a problem which is not good. Which is not viable in terms of research. A problem which no body has thought off.

But how does it matter. He is not good at maths so he wouldn’t be able to do anything in this world. He would be a black spot in the name of IIT if he stays further.

This was my experience of comprehensive exam, when I heard that I am not worth of passing the exam.

Questions started from write a wave equation, write equation of simple harmonic motion. write a equation for spring suspending a weight, write a equation for RC circuits, write a equation for RLC circuits. Write a matrix, solve for eigen values, solve for eigen vectors. Write the dimensions, write the vectors, write a partial differential equation. Solve partial differential equation. Your way of research is not correct, MRI is the best. You should not do ultrasound at all. You should know whats going on in there.

And even after you have tried, Have you heard of these terms in your life. Did you do anything in your courses. How you managed to clear your courses. Is this the way you should study. And what not.

Mind was bursting, I was under the fire of questions one after another for one full hour. Is it my fault that I am a graduate student. Did I signed up for this. I was not told I would be asked this.

What you expect?

The things which you learned in 10th 12th you can recall anytime? is it so easy?

If you are taking viva for me 1 year after I finished my coursework that too on a short notice of a week, is that fair?

I know Life is never fair, So is nothing in life. When you ask for shit people give you more.

But this just happens to recall my decision that why I am doing Ph.D. Why I am listening to something? I don’t know alright

I don’t know anything……………………………………….!!!

Only one learning I have, Don’t trust anybody’s words they will do what they want, they will ask what they want.
I am real low and depressed. I wrote this so that i can vent out my feelings, I don’t how long it will take me to absorb it down. My few dreams are shattered alongside it
Let’s see who owns the broken dreams…