Life without Facebook

It is already 12 days since I logged in to my Facebook account. For a person like me spending his entire time on Facebook, scrolling the feed and contributing to the feed most by sharing his thoughts and opinions every 2 hrs once it was a tough call..!!

But it was a conscious decision.

Funny part is nobody realizes that I am no longer using Facebook. Some of my friends cannot just imagine me being away from Facebook because In the past 8 years, no matter what exams or interviews everything about me was on Facebook.

Then why did I left the social network ?

I left the social network for experimentation purpose. I wanted to evaluate my will of not using Facebook. I wanted to test whether i can deaddict myself off Facebook just out of free will.

What happened when i left it ?

Nothing happened, there was no TSUNAMI, there was no TORNADO, earth kept rotating around the sun. People kept scrolling their feeds and feeling that their life is the most worthless among all their friends

What happened to me?

Initially i felt the urge to use Facebook, i missed those notification. I missed my phone telling me that somebody likes you and somebody is commenting on you, I also missed that somebody is tagging me. These things happened. But I kept my resolve higher as i wanted to test myself against it.

I spend my time doing quora, but eventually stopped that also, as one social network should not act as deaddiction mechanism for another.

People generally do this and they brag about it on quora that they left Facebook and they are enjoying quora. They haven’t got rid off an addiction but established a new one

How did it affected me?

  • I spent more time in reading news, I started making notes out of news and reading about them. I now acquire information about 10 new things which i used to previously ignored. I also have a repository or index of information which I learnt about the wonderful things around us than focusing on the people
  • I spent time reading books and practicing my reading, speaking, writing and listening skills on brain training app ELEVATE. It helped me in becoming sharper and also reduced my errors in written correspondence
  • I continued my blog and i started pouring my emotions daily
  • I used to write diary, but while making Facebook a social diary, I gave up on that habit but now i started once again
  • I started spending more time on my research and started progressing at a much faster rate

There have been a lot of positives

Some of the negatives being, now when people talk about something which is happening on Facebook, i used to be the most updated one, now I’m the least updated person regarding the same

Life has been different in the past 12 days, and i see a lot of change coming in me over the period of time. I will surely update that

One thing is realized, If you have got will you can give up on anything in your life

 

 

 

15 lessons I learnt in 2015

Tags

, , , ,

  1. I learnt how manipulative people are
    For me 2015 was full of manipulative people who made sure that I was always in their control, while I thought I was in. Learnt a lesson that I have to take control of my own life
  2. I learnt how intoxication is injurious-
    Getting drunk is good, but you should do it when you are not in public or even if you are you have friends by your side. Friends help you overcome things when you are out of senses
  3. I learnt that nothing is permanent, not even love, love changes into hate the moment it becomes shackles or chains
  4. I learnt and experienced that travelling is my passion, exploring places and going with the flow gives me that adrenaline rush. I went two times out of country in a single calendar year
  5. I realized that I love my parents the most and I can do anything for them, they are like everything for me
  6. I realized that you have to live in here and now, past should not impact your future but instead should help you in establishing a strong foundation
  7. I also realized that being a leader is difficult and you have to empathize with people you lead rather than dictate them
  8. I learnt that I should not be reactive and I should be responsive by keeping my anger in check
  9. I learnt that if I really commit myself into something I can do it the best
  10. I also learnt how to go with flow and enjoy in the moment
  11. I learnt about emotional abuse in a relationship and that is the worst thing
  12. I found peace in loneliness, I realized the fact that I should love myself, and I am the best creation and I should feel proud about the same
  13. I learnt that reading and writing help me in improving myself and I should continue it rather than curtail it
  14. Never expect anything from anybody, expectations are problematic for you as well as your friends
  15. I found my courage when I was able to speak really what I felt without any inhibition to anybody

I wrote the 15 different things which I learnt in 2015, there are many more things I learnt?

What did you learn in 2015?

Relationships- The Sinking Ships of Modern Times

Tags

, ,

Relationships or Sinking Ships, because most of the time people are just trying to settle or compromise in one way or the another. Doing things so that it just keeps going and they need not have to go through the painful process of finding another life partner

And the fear ” What if the partner I would get, wont be better than What I have right now? ”

Relationships originally were meant to be uplifting but these days they are just a means to survive in this torturous world of comparisons

Single people are desperate to get into Relationships, and committed people are desperate to go back to being single…!!

There is no hidden meaning in it, but this is what is real.

What is the Big deal about it?

  • Fights: the lion king gifFights or I should say WARS, wars on the things that don’t even matter. Romance takes a back seat and hitting each other with the sword of words becomes the primary motive of the life
    Issues can pertain to as small as attending somebody else’s call while you are talking to someone special to something really big when you say you aren’t ready to take the relationship to next level, or you want some more time to think about the marriage plans
  • Friends:
    I guess those people are lucky who are able to maintain friends after getting into relationship, Friendship sinks as relationship develops

    • Amount of time you spent with your friends it decreases
    • If your friends are from opposite sexes then you have to hear those wierd taunts day in and day out
    • If you go out with friends, and tell them that is the reason of WAR. if you dont tell, then it leads to another war
    • While making plans you have to see for two calendars, and thus probability of hanging out decreases
    • Your special someone asks you, I will be your friend, I would be the one who will listen everything you are going through, but who will make them understand that because of them only they are undergoing this all, and how can a lawyer fight a case against the Judge when Judge himself wants to be the Judge in the case
      So you eventually end up losing all the friends you have got, may it be Male  or female friends, then at the end you have nobody left to even to hear you out. The Relationship sinks the ship of your life
  • Jealousy and Social network-
    jealousy gif
    The moment you like the profile picture of a beautiful girl who happens to be mutual friend, it leads to the next world war. In this there are two cases
    Case 1: The Girl is unmarried: This will be the furious case of relationship, as all the permutation and combination will be thought out to prove that you are giving special attention to that girl and whole and sole meaning of that is that you are falling for that gal. And as that gal is single there is a high probability that you will hook with her and dump her, just because you liked her profile picture
    flirting gif
    Case 2: The Girl is married: This will be the curious case of relationship, as you would be asked anything and everything about the person’s boyfriend or husband. And then you would be told, Cant her special someone control her, she is putting all sort of pics on facebook and not even that even letting other people like it and also she is interacting with them
    What kind of character it is? Questions will be raised about their character as well as you would be sank in the marsh lands of guilt that you should not give preference to a married woman or committed woman as they are already somebody’s someone
  • Money: bridesmaids gifHowsover money you spend, howsover special gift you get for her, she will eventually react in two manners
    1: My friend got better gift from her boyfriend, you dont even love me that much, i expected so much special gift from you and now what will i say to my friends that my boyfriend got such a cheap gift for me
    2: Woww, You got such an amazing gift for me, how you got to know about the girls liking so much. Many girls have been in your life, isnt it. Wont you tell me about all of them. See consider me as a friend and tell me about everybody and the moment you tell everything. I knew something was wrong. You are not a single gal man. You have a bad character.
    While promising that you wont be judged, you will be judged in the most awkward manner and all your gifts will be stupid or so spectacular that doubt comes
    Its same as writing paper while you are average student, if you write great paper, people doubt, if you fail then 110% doubting you

    And yeah, your expenditures will go exponentially but everybody knows about it, you feel like the poorest of poor while having richest of richest by your side

  • You have to be super sensitive to someone else’s needs all the time. “Baby, are you ok? Baby, I feel really distant from you right now. What’s going on?!” You’re slightly paranoid all of the time. Their highs are your highs. Their lows are your lows. It can just get…super exhausting.

Eventually what happens, something which you started with a lot of interest becomes a liability, becomes something which you are just carrying it forward than just enjoying it

Relationships are meant to uplift you, but sometimes they deflate you so much that you feel that you can no longer progress and become anything in life

Does it Suck to be in a Relationship?

For some people who are ready to compromise and adjust and give in everything it is good, but for others it SUCKS…!!

They sink your life..!!

Marriage- Every Male Bachelors dilemma

Tags

, , , , , ,

I am 26, And day in and day out, I am posed with this question

When are you going to get married?

As if I don’t get married than this whole world will stop or as if they wont be able to digest the last meal they had

Who asks this question?

  • Relatives: All the aunts who are unhappy to see you bachelor and want to enjoy the festivities of your marriage, For them your marriage is the next big thing in their life
    I have just one request to all these aunts, I will take you to the treats wherever you want to go..Just dont ask me this question every time I meet you
  • Neighbors: For them my marriage is like the biggest thing in their TO DO List, their own kids are married and settled and they make sure that my MOM- DAD feel jealous by seeing their happiness with their grandchild. And that coax them to ask me to get married.
    I even told my neighbors- You people are worse than Facebook, you are like that live YouTube channel screwing up my life day in and day out.
    And leave that aside, I even told my parents if you want kids to play with just like the neighboring aunt I can get you, there are thousands of kids who want to play, but they want their own grandchild, the one who fulfills their desire of having a heir to the family
  • Married Friends: After falling in the trap to get married, they always want you to get married, telling all the advantages of marriage while hiding the shortcomings. They instigate you by all those facebook posts, which say Woww..!!! What a honeymoon, Dude if you had honeymoon have it in private, why you want to have another orgasm on facebook for the same.
    In India, Shiv sena blocks public display of affection. Dear Shiv Sainiks, please work on this also and stop this public display of honeymoon so that all the bachelors can rest in peace
  • Parents: The day when i graduated first time from college, and their eyebrows frowned when i took up Masters instead of Job and marriage and those eyebrows even grew wider when I chose PhD instead of Job after masters. I have got no comments for parents as their only worry in this whole world is to find a suitable girl for me.

But you must be wondering

WHY anybody wants to stay bachelor? Why I cant get married and put a stop to all this?

Am I impotent ? Am I gay? Do I have somebody in life and parents are not approving?

And the answer is NO..!!

Why it becomes difficult for guy to get married

EXPECTATIONS? HOROSCOPE? Family Status ? ABCDEFGHIJK…. XYZ factors are there

EXPECTATIONS?

Mother: Girl Should be

  • Beautiful
  • Should know how to cook [ planning to open a restro??]
  • Should know how to do daily chores [ looking for a maid or a bride??]
  • Should respect them
  • Should take care of me
  • Should look good when you too stand with each other
  • Should have good dressing sense
  • Should be adjusting and caring and willing to stay wherever you are
  • Should be your side in all the good and bad times
  • Sanskaari
  • Should know how to do minimum pooja, Should be a little bit religious

Father: Girl Should be

  • Well educated
  • Well to do family
  • Should be working
  • Same Religion [ Does it matter, Dont we have same blood color]
  • Same Caste [ Does it even matter, anyhow everybody is educated]
  • Horoscope should Match [ Really a astrologer can tell ]
  • Minimum Height of 5 Ft 7 Inch [ Looking for a ladder, by the way m 6 ft 2 inches]
  • Parents of the girl should approach
  • Parents should be humble

Neighboring Aunts and Relatives

  • Dowry
  • Car, Truck, Bus or Lorry [ As if they want to use it for their travelling]
  • Should respect them [ Should she touch your feet whenever you come home]
  • Girls parents should give good clothes during the marriage ceremony
  • Marriage ceremony should be grand
  • Big feast in the marriage

Friends

  • Shouldn’t restrict you from coming with us
  • Shouldn’t stop our activities and become friend with us
  • Should be fun loving and jovial
  • Should be a good cook and cook delicious meals for them

TELL ME, CAN WE really GET a Girl like that??

And nobody has asked till now that WHAT I WANT?

Because Nobody cares..!! But they will say they all care thats why they are looking for such a good bride for me

I dont want to get married to satisfy any of them, but these expectations take a toll on you.

Sometimes ENGINEERS go through this question can they figure out a gal with who they can go out with

Very difficult right, Very  difficult to even find love

What if you find love of your life can you marry her?

Implications when you take a girl you want to marry to your parents

  • Application for your love will be scrutinized against all the above criteria, and if any of the above criteria is not satisfied, you would be told that you cannot marry that girl,
  • Although, they wont say NO, they will say you can marry, but that marriage wont happen with our consent

What does your girl friend want from you then?

She wants you to fight with your parents for her, She wants you dont give up on her no matter what

Whole world’s love stories will come in picture, She will dig out all the stories in the world and you will listen to them and you will feel that you are the most spineless person in the world who cannot go against the parents to marry her

  • What if you say this to the girl?
  • You dont love me
  • Somebody else is in your mind
  • You have changed
  • You cant do this for me, i am love of your life

And this all will be called empowering or motivating you, so that you can become strong to fight with your own parents to marry that gal

Now you have become strong enough, You go to the parents and ask for the reason why you cant marry her and why they are not agreeing for the same?

Now parents say

  • That gal is not good
  • Her horoscope doesnt match
  • Her horoscope says, if you marry her you will die, But maa i love her, i will die even if i dont marry her, Maa: But horoscope says you will die
  • She wont have good character, Horoscope says that
  • You still want to marry her, you can marry but it wont be with our permission or blessing
  • I asked can we ask another astrologer, Go check with any astrologer in the country, we have trust on our astrologer.. And you then you are fucked
  • Have we raised you up, so that you can defy us
  • Have i kept you 9 months in my womb to see this day
  • I cant sacrifice my son, I dont want you to marry her

Now you go to the girl, telling all the arguments parents have told, and are telling not to marry

She reacts

  • Kill the astrologer
  • Keep Fighting
  • Be strong
  • Check with more astrologers
  • Please ask yout parents to consider it and agree, all parents agree

During all this what is happening to you

YOU ARE getting FUCKED..!!!

You have no idea, but you are mentally fucked from parents side, girlfriend side

Why this happened

Just because you wanted to get married to the girl you liked, the moment you discussed marriage things started going haywire at both parents end as well as your relationship end

You are so stressed and you undergo depression. You have no resort where to go..!!
You dont know whom to chose, and why to chose

Whose expectation to satisfy and whose to not?

Arrange marriage or Love Marriage, In both the cases nobody asks you the one important question

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO

They only tell what they want you to do..!!

And you no longer do anything to please yourself, but you are pleasing society or you are pleasing the social strata

But is it worth IT ??

IS it worth sacrificing yourself,

For that also thee are arguments

  • Nobody can live their life alone, you need companion
  • Child is your new father
  • This is compulsory to be happy

I dont know whether, this piece of writing makes any sense to anybody, but eventually i have realised that

KEEP yourself Happy, Invest time in finding yourself

Most important thing for you in this life is YOU

Love YOURSELF first, Put YOURSELF first

No matter what..!!

The quest to find myself

Tags

, , , ,

When you want the world to notice you, world to follow you. You do everything to please them. You pass a smile to please them. You spend time on them just because you feel that you should be the most important person for the other individual

Is this valuable?

Is this essential?

Why we need to share the article which we write to express ourselves with others?

Why do we have the need in which we want others to validate us?

Why on earth we feel that when others should smile when we say something?

Why we want people to be flocked around us all the time?

Why we want us to be the reason of their happiness?

Why we want us to have the most liked profile picture, status and joke?

Why social approval is an absolute necessity?

Why we need to have girlfriend in order to showcase the charm we have as a boy?

Why we need to take cigarette/ alcohol in order to showcase our attitude?

Why neighboring aunt’s comment about your career or marriage creates a pressure inside you?

Why you want to look the best after applying fair and lovely or Fair and Handsome?

Why you want to color your hair when you have just enough grey hair to be called as uncle or aunt?

Why you have to smile for every selfie or photograph?

Why you have to nod your head, when you dont want to be part of the conversation?

Why? Why? WHy?

So many WHY’s in life with not even one answer to any of these WHY?

The one answer is because ” MAN is a SOCIAL Animal”

He has to do things which pleases the society around him

But while doing all these things what are we losing, we are losing ourselves

To satisfy others we wear N number of MASKS, and to take care of these N masks we wear N more masks

But is it worth it?

In this quest of satisfying others, Satisfying and being what other wants you to be, you lose yourself, you wear masks to satisfy them

People love your masks and not you, People love your false reflection but not you

You cant stay like that, once you have realized that, you have to move out. You have to devote yourself in becoming the best by undertaking the quest.

Undertaking the quest in which you find yourself, you find what you like, experiment with your life.

Treat yourself the best, Give yourself the most importance, Put yourself first no matter what. Dont sacrifice just for the sake of others.

Some people will call you cold hearted, emotionless but you are not. You can love yourself you can be with yourself.

no matter what others call you. you are what you see for you

A murderer is not a murderer till he has realized it, no matter what the whole world says, its what you believe in, what you are.

Thats the real you, put yourself in the quest of finding you, then actually try being somebody else

Let us do it.

I take the pledge to do the same